[1] CALGARY, Alberta, Canada (BP)–When Gina Dimion fell asleep at the wheel of her parents’ car in 198
3, she caused an accident that left her mother in a wheelchair.
When she drove home from the grocery store in June 1996, she ran over her 14-month-old daughter. Crystal died.
When she gave birth three months later, it was to Charity, who was born with an extra chromosome. Charity died 20 hours later.
Here is how Dimion, a member of Worsley (Alberta, Canada) Baptist Church, deals with her grief, from a speech given at Canada’s Dayspring retreat last fall:
198
3: “I stood in a dark isolated corner of the hospital and felt devastated. My baby sister was in surgery, my brother in a coma, my father with head and neck injuries, my mother being rushed to Edmonton with a broken back, and another little sister who needed me to tell her everything would be OK.
“As I cried out to God, he caused me to cling to the fact that everyone was still alive. It was a very difficult summer and next few years as I had to come to terms with seeing my mother in a wheelchair.”
Dimion, who accepted Christ as Savior at age 10 “and began learning what it means to be totally committed to his will,” married in 198
6. Five children followed in quick succession.
Then came 1996 — “a diagnosis of cancer, a heart attack and other accidents and setbacks. But nothing could have prepared me for June 15. Or maybe my whole life was preparing me.
“I’d made a quick trip to the store and back. At home I was greeted by three smiling faces rushing out to see what I’d brought them. My 14-month-old daughter, Crystal, was run over before I realized what had happened. She died in my arms. I’ve never felt so much pain as I did that day — pain flooded with overwhelming guilt.
“I still have many questions, not the least of which is, Why? I’d tried to adjust to each of God’s changes to my plans. How could I adjust to this?
“(My husband) Mike and I felt the hand of God reaching down through our darkness and pain. And even though he didn’t take the agony away, we knew his hand of comfort.
“I often felt a sense of peace that I couldn’t understand and felt guilty about, until I found Philippians 4:7. It says, ‘And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.'”
Pregnant at the time, “I now felt that God’s timing for the new baby I was carrying was perfect. He knew I would need the new baby to help fill the void that the loss of Crystal had made.”
Three months later, however, newborn Charity died.
“I felt God was expecting too much of me. I was walking in the valley of the shadow of death and I did fear. I felt so alone and defenseless, not knowing what the next day might hold. I left the hospital clinging to God for strength to face a future I found no hope in. Then on Charity’s actual due date, Nov. 1, I read Deuteronomy 33:25-26, ‘As your days, so shall your strength be … the eternal God is your refuge and underneath are his everlasting arms.’
“As therapy for myself, I got involved in a Bible study. I would recommend, ‘Lord, Heal My Hurts,’ by Kay Arthur.
“And one year later, I stand here before you to say that God is faithful and I am making progress.
“The choice to believe that God was for me or against me was not a choice at all. I learned years ago that God has only my best interest at heart. I still believe that God’s will is best for me and each member of my family, but my human nature would wish for only pleasant experiences.
“I believe that how I handle every day of my life will affect each thereafter.”
It’s still very hard, Dimion acknowledged. Tears still “flow out” from a heart that has been “broken and crushed. … It still continues to take work on my part.”
But: “If sharing with you today could give even one of you a light at the end of the tunnel of grief, then it would go a long way in helping me to find an answer to the question, Why? If I can show you that with God we can bear the unbearable, just by determining to find strength through Christ, I will have done my part.”
The full text of Dimion’s speech is posted in SBCNet News Room under DIMION.TXT and also available from The Baptist Horizon, newspaper for the Baptist Convention of Canada. E-mail speech text requests to Horizon editor Nancy McGough at [email protected].