“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” That comment by Ruth Bell Graham, wife of evangelist Billy Graham, is a reminder that people can disagree, and that conflict is inevitable in most human relationships.
When I am preaching in various churches, I often ask for a show of hands of those who are or have been married. I then ask how many of those ever had a disagreement with their spouse. It may just be me, but it seems like there are often more hands raised for the second question than for the first. It is a reminder that conflict happens to us all.
Sometimes conflict leads to a fractured relationship. Broken relationships are grievous for those who love Jesus and want to live in a way that is pleasing to Him. How can we aim for reconciliation when relationships are broken?
1. Be prayerful: Pray and ask God to help you. The first action for any Christian when we realize that we have fractured fellowship with a brother or sister in Christ is to pray. The psalmist said, “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?” (Psalm 121:1). When we are facing relational challenges, we must remember that our help comes from the Lord. God cares about our relationships and will help us when we turn to Him in prayer.
2. Be humble: Take responsibility for your mistakes in the relationship. Paul emphasized the importance of relationships and our responsibility to maintain relational harmony when he wrote, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18). It is not always possible to reconcile because the other party may not wish to. But we must take responsibility for our part of the relationship failure. A friend of mine likes to say you may not be 100 percent responsible for the conflict. You may be only two percent responsible. But you are 100 percent responsible for your two percent. We must be humble and take ownership of our part in every relational conflict. This action alone may clear the path for reconciliation to happen.
3. Be obedient: Take the steps that God is leading you to take in His word and prayer. Connie, my wife, and I have been married for 31 years and we are more in love today than we were 31 years ago. We, like every married couple, have not always seen eye to eye on every issue. In one disagreement, I was at a loss for how to end the conflict and bring healing. I prayed silently and asked the Lord what I should do. I sensed the Lord leading me to go hug Connie and tell her I loved her. While I questioned whether I had really heard from the Lord, I did as I felt led and we were able to work through our disagreement in a healthy and God honoring way. If we hope to experience reconciliation with others, we must be willing to obey the leadership of the Lord as He directs our steps toward that end.
There are few things that occupy our thoughts more than when a relationship is out of line. May the Lord help us all to keep short accounts of those we think may have wronged us and be quick to repair the damage when we are aware of a fractured relationship.
This article originally appeared at ToddGray.org.
