LITTLETON, Colo. (BP)–While known in death for her courageous stand, Rachel Scott also struggled as a Christian, especially with losing close friends when she wouldn’t yield to peer pressure.
An entry in her journal April 20, 1998 — exactly one year before she died in a murderous rampage by two Columbine High School students — reveals a teenager lamenting her plight. The material was released by Bruce Porter, one of three pastors who preached at her funeral.
Rachel’s mother and stepfather, Beth and Larry Nimmo, attend Porter’s church, Celebration Christian Fellowship.
Rachel’s account begins with a note about her heavy heart and the burden she was carrying that she didn’t understand. It makes her want to cry, she wrote, adding the previous week had been especially difficult.
“I lost all of my friends at school,” she wrote. “Now that I have begun to ‘walk my talk,’ they make fun of me. I don’t even know what I have done. I don’t really have to say anything, and they turn me away. I was talking to [name withheld] and I realized so much.
“I know what they’re thinking every time I make a decision to resist temptation and follow God. They talk behind my back and call me ‘the preacher’s church-going girl.'”
All five of her close friends had changed in the previous six months, she wrote, whereas in the past they had all attended church, were on fire for God and talked about everything together.
The first friend to change had gone from a sweet “preppie” to a trenchcoat-wearing pot smoker. The girl had slit her wrists once because she liked the sight of blood, Rachel wrote.
Another had become preoccupied with self-image; while a third became very conceited and self-centered. A fourth had turned to guys and, while she hadn’t slept with anyone, had done everything else, Scott wrote.
“Now [name withheld] loves to drink. I used to drink with her some, but since I’ve stopped she thinks that I am such a loser, and that God is just a phase for me. I have no more personal friends at school. But you know what? I am not going to apologize for speaking the name of Jesus.
“I am not going to justify my faith to them, and I am not going to hide the light that God has put into me,” she continued. “If I have to sacrifice everything, I will. I will take it. If my friends have to become my enemies for me to be with my best friend Jesus, then that’s fine with me. I always knew that being a Christian is having enemies, but I never thought that my ‘friends’ were going to be those enemies.”
The stand the 17-year-old victim declared silently a year before her death was reflected in her actions. Two pastors at Orchard Road Christian Center, the church she attended the past 18 months, said she was very vocal about her beliefs.
Youth minister Lori Johnson said Scott stood for her faith in many ways. An avid drama student, she performed Christian-based skits during school talent shows even though she knew she would be harassed, Johnson said.
Scott also mingled freely with all students, the youth leader said, sitting in the lunchroom with a group of foreign exchange students and people from other races and ethnic backgrounds.
But what impressed Johnson most was her protege’s “passion.”
“She had a passion for God and a passion for people,” Johnson said. “She loved them and wanted them to know Christ. I was just amazed by the strength she had to stand out. She would make other people feel weird because they didn’t know God.”
Barry Palser, senior associate pastor of the church, said although Scott barely stood five feet tall, she cast a long shadow. He saw part of that impact when Orchard Road held special “Triumph in the Midst of Tragedy” services May 2. Sixty people accepted Christ as Savior or rededicated their lives to him. More than half were teenagers, he said.
“This little girl was a warrior and she would want us to take this opportunity to reach people for Christ, not be wounded, sorrowful or depressed,” he said. “Her family wants Christ to be exalted, too.
“She’s a martyr and a hero,” he added. “After martyrs’ blood has been shed comes a period of greatest revival. If history repeats itself, it will bring forth great revival in this country because it will wake the church of Jesus Christ up. God is telling us the world is looking at Denver. Hopefully, this won’t be a temporary thing.”
