ORLANDO (BP) – Counseling for pastors’ wives will be offered for the second time this year at the SBC Annual Meeting in Orlando, addressing a need of women who often work quietly in the background without much appreciation, counselor Cheryl Bell said.
The opportunity to sit down with a woman who will listen intently and then share biblical encouragement is something pastors’ wives need, Bell said, particularly when those women may not feel safe sharing their hearts within their ministry contexts.
Last year was the first time such an offering was available, and all 15 slots were filled, said Bell, adjunct professor of biblical counseling at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.
This year, 24 slots will be available in 90-minute sessions free of charge Monday, June 8, and Tuesday, June 9, from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. in Room 224G of the Orange County Convention Center.
Bell identified five main challenges that emerged from last year’s sessions. A lack of fellowship that leads to loneliness is a real issue for pastors’ wives, she said, in addition to struggles with emotions such as anger, anxiety and discouragement.
Some women struggle with comparison, particularly feeling like they don’t measure up to previous pastors’ wives at their churches, Bell said. Another issue is that hurtful words from church members, especially directed toward their husbands, wear away at them over time.
“And then family stresses, particularly prodigal children, for those who had adult children, and that was just breaking their hearts,” Bell said. “What I’ve observed is that when you’re on the front lines of ministry, you have a target on you, and I think the enemy really goes after pastors’ kids, and that was reflected in what we heard as well.”
During each session, the counselors try to hear the women well, encourage them with biblical truth and send them home with written guidance according to their needs.
“My goal is always to try to put practical tools in their hands based on the struggles they’re dealing with,” Bell said. “When emotions are high, you’re not thinking clearly. I want them to be able to take something away as a reminder to say, ‘This is what God has said. This is how I can work it out practically in my life.’”
In some cases, the counselors might refer a woman for further counseling through the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors. That website has a zip code-based feature called Find a Counselor.
“Our main approach is encouragement,” Bell said. “We don’t generally find a lot of significant sin. One of the things that we try to stress is, ‘When you’re in a crisis, when you’re in a trial, the pressure of that trial is going to bring out some fleshly responses. Let’s deal with those so you can move forward in sanctification.’”
Last year, the counselors found that the women were surprisingly willing to talk about their challenges.
“You would think when people are struggling, they might have a little reservation about sitting down with somebody they don’t know, but they were so open and really shared their hearts with us, which is what enables us to help them,” Bell said. “I think each one went away so encouraged and grateful for the opportunity.”
One of those women, whose name has been withheld for confidentiality, said she took advantage of the counseling opportunity because of anticipated changes in her husband’s ministry position. The session gave her space to process needed steps for the future, she said.
“What I did not anticipate coming down the line was that I would have a major, very unexpected health challenge and need a major surgery several months later,” she said. “Having this time in counseling gave me tools to walk forward in confidence in Christ to face my surgery. It also equipped me with a biblical framework to use going forward.
“This time was absolutely priceless, and I cannot express how much it blessed both myself and my family. Caring for my mental health in a biblically-equipping way has helped me be a better wife and mom and also helped increase my capacity for serving well in ministry alongside my husband.”
All of the women who will serve as counselors with Bell have at least a master’s degree in biblical counseling, and Bell and one other have doctorates, she said.
“We work extensively with women. It’s not anything we’ve just been doing for the last year. This is a ministry we have been practicing for many years,” Bell said. “All of us also have experience in the world of ministry in one way or another. I’m very careful with who I select.”
Pastors’ wives who would like to sign up for counseling at the annual meeting may contact Bell at [email protected].
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