NASHVILLE (BP) – Grief isn’t beholden to a calendar. But when someone isn’t home for the holidays, the pain intensifies.
Kerry Green, a member of Cullman (Ala.) First Baptist knows this. Six years ago on Dec. 15, she suddenly lost her adult son. Grief remains, but it’s not something she carries alone.
“My church family and Sunday School class walked with me during that time,” she told BP Tuesday (Dec. 16). “Grief can come upon you, like waves that wash over you and they can come out of nowhere. But God sends people to comfort you. And that helps you comfort others.”
Many Southern Baptist churches use programs like GriefShare and Stephen Ministries for efforts that include congregation members, but are typically community-centric. Lay-led, they are also quick to incorporate or recommend professional counselors when those needs become apparent.
And in a season centered on gifts, they are ministries based on presence.
“It’s led by lay people who have been through grief themselves,” said Tammie Dunkling, who leads the GriefShare ministry at Cullman First. “It’s a place where you feel comfortable because you’re with folks who may not be facing your exact situation, but they’re facing the same emotions everyone in the room is experiencing.”
“Surviving the Holidays” is a GriefShare emphasis that the church begins two weeks before Thanksgiving.
“The holidays present a whole different aspect,” said Dunkling. “Most people are in wonderful moods and celebrating. If you’ve lost someone, you’re not in the same mind frame. Some folks don’t even want to decorate a tree because of memories associated with the holidays.”
Alfred Washington, associate pastor at Calvary Southern Baptist Church in North Las Vegas, Nev., has seen numerous people helped through the ministry he leads with his wife Joyce. Nevertheless, the pain intensifies during the holidays and requires greater vigilance for those involved.
Washington is a marriage a family counselor, which helps. But he recognizes situations that call for those with more training. One attendee talked about suicide, which prompted connecting him to a therapist. He returned at a later meeting and thanked Washington for helping save his life.
“If people are struggling really bad, we recommend them to a therapist,” he said. “But it’s been very successful. Many who have gone through it more than once have become facilitators. They receive help from it and want to help others.”
Bryant Street Baptist Church in Yucaipa, Calif., was in a tough place when Mike Levitsky arrived as pastor in 2020. His predecessor had stepped down unexpectedly months earlier. State COVID regulations shut down in-person meetings for longer than the rest of the country. About 40 members remained.
But the church kept operating groups through GriefShare and Stephen Ministries. The former is a group format. The latter focuses on long-term, one-on-one relationships.
They are church-sanctioned ministries with scopes that go well beyond the church into the community. However, they also adhere to the church’s statement of faith and look to build connections at Bryant Street.
“I’ve found both [programs] to be tremendously beneficial in helping people heal, find Jesus, build relationships and connect to the church,” Levitsky said.
“Just having someone to walk with you during the holidays is very helpful. It’s not about saying the right thing or telling them everything’s going to be OK. It’s really about having a relationship and spending time with them, walking them through the difficult things.”
One mistake, he said, is when someone well-intentioned will say something less than helpful.
“The most helpful thing is to be there for them, point them to Jesus, pray for them and encourage them,” he said. “It’s for the long haul. Grieving is a weird and unpredictable process. It takes time.
“When a person loses someone, others are around with them for about a week. Then, those folks go back to their lives. The grieving person is left alone, even more so because now everyone who was around them are gone. Be intentional about connecting with them for six months or a year.”
Grief isn’t something welcomed into a home. But there is a different perspective for when it shows up.
“Dying is a natural process,” said Dunklin. “We’re all going to face it. Grieving is the cost that we pay for loving somebody.”
Related posts:
Southern Baptists Continue to Address Mental Health Needs Ministering Assurance to the Chronic Doubter 
For Israeli families of deceased hostages, biblical Sitting Shiva mourning finally comes 
States move to block childhood transgender surgery 
Letters help young woman grieve her best friend, slain at school 
FIRST-PERSON: Men and the specter of failure 
Associational missionary joins Harvard panel to discuss faith, human flourishing Mental Health and the Mystery of Ministry
