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Porn-free life possible, former addict tells men


OKLAHOMA CITY (BP)–John Wolf struggled with an addiction to pornography for years before his wife gave him an ultimatum:
“Either have your family or your pornography.”
“I just knew that was not how I wanted to live,” Ramona Wolf said.
“I had quite an appetite for this type of material,” her husband recounted. “I believe it’s one of the biggest secret sins in the church.”
Wolf went into counseling for the problem and found an approach to overcoming it with accountability and prevention, which he developed into a booklet and two seminars for church use.
“You can live a porn-free life,” Wolf tells men. “There is power in the Word (of God).”
He and his wife, members of Oklahoma City’s Heritage Baptist Church, know from experience.
Wolf first viewed pornography at the age of 14 when he found some magazines in the trash.
“There was an immediate infatuation with these images,” he said.
According to Victor Cline, a researcher in Utah, porn addictions follow four steps. And Wolf experienced each.
Exposure leads to escalation, desensitization and then acting out.
Wolf collected pornographic magazines until he was 16. Then he went to drive-in movies.
“Bambi was showing but not the one from Disney,” he said.
That led to adult bookstores, peep shows and strip bars.
He had attended a Baptist church at age 14 and become a Christian. But there was no outward change.
“There was something within me that sensed this was wrong,” he said.
He got married after college. That’s when his wife noticed a box of pornographic magazines.
“I was in shock over it,” Ramona said. “He had quite a few and the dates went back a long time.”
“This is where the conflict started,” Wolf said.
Stops at adult bookstores became part of his trips home from the third-generation mailing business he owns.
“I knew something was wrong when I was lying to my wife in regards to my whereabouts,” Wolf said. “For years, I told myself that this would be the last time.”
The couple had two children by this time. They attended a Baptist church. And Wolf was trying to stop.
He memorized Scripture like 1 Corinthians 10:13: “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (NIV)
Progress came as Wolf drew close to God. But then he saw a woman who reminded him of a magazine picture.
“All the old thoughts … sent me back to this secret sin,” he said.
When his wife saw the return to pornography, she decided to deliver the ultimatum.
“That was very hard to do,” she recalled. “When you’re having physical relations, you wonder if he’s thinking about you or another woman.”
Wolf agreed to see a counselor and found one who could treat sexual addictions.
“It’s important to find a counselor who can give you some immediate tools and provide biblical applications to real-life problems,” he said.
Wolf also developed a personal plan to include accountability, maintenance and the power of God.
“The goal is to live a Spirit-controlled life,” he explained.
That included some changes in his own life. He asked a friend to be an accountability partner, purchasing a pager for the partner and a cell phone for himself.
He checked in with the partner each day for the next two years. Pager calls came on the way home from work while Wolf was passing adult bookstores.
Other changes followed.
“I do not meet with women in closed offices,” he said. That includes no meals with women alone for business.
And at home Wolf threw away video cards and installed filtering software on their computer. His wife keeps the computer password.
“Each man has to develop his own maintenance list,” Wolf said.
Wolf now is director for Oklahomans for Children and Families, a citizen coalition in the battle against pornography. He also speaks in churches. And men often approach him for help with their addictions to porn.
“It takes you further than you plan to go, keeps you longer than you plan to stay then costs you more than you planned to pay,” Wolf tells them.
Wives also call Ramona for help.
“You have to pray,” she tells them. “You have to rely on God’s power and the Holy Spirit.
“We’re happier now than we’ve ever been.”
For seminar information or Wolf’s booklet on how to live a porn-free life, call (405) 239-6245, e-mail johnw@wolfmailing.com or write to 1130 Linwood Blvd., Oklahoma City, OK 73106.

    About the Author

  • Clay Renick