Haylee Williams

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FIRST-PERSON: Through agony comes forth life

A few weeks ago, I was reading through the Gospel of Mark and came upon the narrative of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. As I read the words of Jesus “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will,” I felt the anguish of his words in a way I never have. I am currently 34 weeks pregnant with my third child which means my mind is never far from the anticipation of a coming baby and with that baby, the inevitable labor pains.

Am I a good mom?

I feel like such a failure. Growing up, I became accustomed to objective standards of success defining whether or not I had succeeded. An A+ signifies a job well done. A winning record in my collegiate sport proves my hard work. Even in marriage, a “Great job!” from my husband means I am accomplishing my goal of loving him well. Until recently, I didn’t realize how much I had begun to rely on these exterior praises to determine whether I had accomplished a job well done.