Every disciple of Jesus needs voices that sharpen, stretch and strengthen their walk with Christ. For leaders especially, a mentor can mean the difference between leading from exhaustion or leading from overflow. The right one multiplies Gospel impact – not just in your ministry, but in your life as a disciple.
I’ve benefited personally and professionally from mentors in my own life. A few years ago, for instance, I invited Jay McSwain to mentor me. As president of PLACE Ministries, a staff member at a local church, and chaplain for the Atlanta Braves, Jay helped me craft a personal mission statement. That statement took nearly a year to build but brought much-needed clarity and alignment to my roles as a disciple of Jesus, husband, dad, friend and denominational leader. There are several items to note when seeking a quality mentor.
Look for strength in your weakness
A good mentor isn’t just someone you admire; they are someone who may be strong in an area where you need to grow. This means being honest about your blind spots. Maybe you’re strong in evangelism but need help in discipleship processes. Or perhaps you can cast vision but struggle with personal rhythms of execution. Choose a mentor who can fill in those gaps with wisdom born from experience.
Set clear expectations
Once you’ve identified a mentor, respect their time by setting boundaries and being intentional. I usually ask for one hour once a month for a set number of months – meeting in person if local or over Zoom if out of town. Schedule dates well in advance and never miss or arrive late. A mentor should never feel that you take their gift of time for granted. And always show respect by offering to pay if you share a meal or visit over coffee.
Prepare thoughtful questions
Don’t just show up – show up prepared. A few days before the meeting, send three or four targeted questions. This gives your mentor time to pray and reflect, ensuring your conversation is purposeful. During the meeting, take notes (I keep mine organized by date and topic on my iPad). This shows respect for their input and provides a record you can return to later. A few of my favorite questions that can provoke solid responses:
- What is the most important thing you do as a leader?
- Share three things you know now that you wish you had known when you began in ministry.
- Share two professional and two personal rhythms that help you be successful.
- Share the top three leadership lessons that you have learned.
- What would you say is your strongest area of leadership – and how might your staff or family describe it differently?
Contribute, don’t just consume
It has been said before that we have two ears and one mouth, so seek to listen more than talk! However, even seasoned leaders want to learn. Bring your own insights and reflections to the table. Especially if you’re in a different generation than your mentor, this creates a learning community where mutual growth happens. Make it clear that you’re seeking mentorship, but don’t underestimate the value you bring with thoughtful ideas.
Keep the relationship time-bound
A healthy mentoring relationship has a beginning and an end. That doesn’t mean the relationship ends, just the structured meetings. I typically plan for one year. At the close of the meetings, thank your mentor tangibly, perhaps with a gift. Then turn your heart toward the next mentor relationship.
Know the difference between mentor and coach
One of the most important distinctions in leadership development may be understanding the difference between a mentor and a coach. While both roles are invaluable, they serve different purposes.
A mentor primarily serves as a guide who imparts wisdom, perspective, and encouragement based on their experience. Mentors usually respond to questions rather than ask them. Biblical examples include:
- Moses mentoring Joshua: Moses commissioned Joshua, giving encouragement and direction as he prepared to lead Israel into the Promised Land (Deuteronomy 31:7–8).
- Paul mentoring Timothy: Paul urged Timothy to remain faithful, guard sound doctrine, and invest in others who would carry the gospel forward (2 Timothy 2:2).
A coach, on the other hand, functions with more of an equipping mindset. Instead of primarily providing answers, a coach asks probing questions that build awareness and foster ownership. Biblical examples include:
- Nathan coaching David: Nathan used a parable that helped David see his own sin and take ownership of repentance (2 Samuel 12:1-7).
- Jesus coaching His disciples: Jesus often asked questions to stir reflection and ownership, such as “Who do you say that I am?” (Matthew 16:15) and “Why are you afraid?” (Mark 4:40).
In short: mentors give wisdom, while coaches draw wisdom out. Wise leaders know when they need each – and are humble enough to seek help. And if you are like me, you may need and utilize both on a consistent basis!
Closing thought
Ultimately, the best mentor isn’t always the most prominent leader. Great mentors foster Christlikeness, equip you for the mission, enhance self-awareness, and provide resources for success. Approach the relationship with humility, preparation, and gratitude – and watch the Gospel’s impact ripple outward through your life and ministry.
Sources:
- Whitmore, John. Coaching for Performance: The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership. Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 2017.
- Biblical examples: Deuteronomy 31:7–8; 2 Timothy 2:2; 2 Samuel 12:1–7; Matthew 16:15; Mark 4:40.
This article originally appeared in the Christian Index. Scott Sullivan is the discipleship catalyst for the Georgia Baptist Mission Board.
